A Better Fate: Interlude
by Sandiane Carter
Summary: An M-rated interlude to "A Better Fate," a story co-authored by Sandiane Carter and chezchuckles.
1. Chapter 1

He found her in his study; she was running her index finger over the spine of the first Nikki Heat, and he suddenly realized that to her, there were more. Three-book deal, right?

He wondered-

"Wanna give me the title of the next book?" He was joking, but only partly, because his editor had been shooting down all his ideas, and honestly, Castle didn't like any of the suggestions that had been made to him. _Frozen Heat,_ really? Never in a million years.

Kate turned to him, her hand falling back to her side, a smile curling at the corner of her mouth. "Sorry, Castle. You gotta do this one on your own."

"Not even a tiny clue?" he pushed. Sadness shimmered in the dark depths of her eyes.

"Maybe you're not gonna name it the same, Castle. Maybe it's gonna be a different book."

Oh. "Right," he said, feeling like a complete idiot. He had no idea how to get Kate to explain about Trucho, Rourke, any of it. Pushing her right now felt wrong.

Her face was half in shadows, the light from the living room only touching her temple, her right eye, her cheek; she looked tired, and vulnerable, and so damn gorgeous it made him hurt.

"What will happen to you?" he asked quietly, afraid of the answer, his heart hammering in his chest.

She sighed, gave him that soft, patient look that said, ___You know just as much as I do_. "If I succeed," she answered anyway, "then I guess I'll just cease to exist, Castle. The future version of me will be too different from this."

Something inside him rose, growled, protest and a fierce protective instinct that he just couldn't help. It propelled him towards her. "I don't want you to disappear," he murmured, his throat raspy at the thought. "Kate."

She lifted a hand and cupped his cheek lightly, rose on tiptoe until the softness of her mouth brushed his ear. "I'd much rather disappear than live in a world without you, Castle."

He gritted his teeth at that, met her eyes when she came down; the love pouring out of her, lighting up her whole being, left him speechless once more.

A world without him? That's what this was about. She'd come here to _save_ _his life_. And she was going to leave just as quickly as she'd come, without even that reassurance that she'd made a difference.

He put his hands around her face and brought his mouth down to hers, hard, kissed her with all the desperation he felt at being left without her, without the certainty, the living proof that Kate Beckett loved him, needed him, wanted him. She moaned against him and her lips parted, the open wetness of her mouth welcoming him in a way that made his whole body thrum.

He pushed her against the open shelves, slid a knee between her legs, hoisted her up; she gasped and then squeezed around his thigh, so hot and delicious he had to close his eyes against the sudden vertigo.

He kissed her neck, tracing the line of her jaw with his tongue, adoring the throb of her pulse with his lips; she arched against him, her hands feverish, jittery over his chest, the mewl of his name ripped from her breathless throat.

Fuck, she was rocking over his thigh and her eyes were closed, the dark sweep of her lashes over her flushed cheeks, mouth open as she panted, worked herself up, so close, so soon-

He quickly worked open the buttons of her shirt, pushed the fabric apart so he could get at her chest; he paused for a split second of stunned gratitude when he uncovered her breasts, nestled in the black lace of her bra, the round scar right in the middle.

He pressed his lips to the puckered skin, heard Kate's whimper above him; he moved his mouth to the right side of her chest, bringing his hand up so he could, at the exact same moment, flick his tongue and his thumb at both tips of her round breasts.

It was all it took. She arched violently and made a noise between a sob and a groan, her body jerking against his, her hips dancing without rhythm in the cove of his hands; he held her close until she had her breath back, until the trembling had eased, and then he pushed a long, certain kiss to her lips.

He wanted her. Kate Beckett. All of her. Now and then, what did it matter? What did it matter?

Her eyes opened, so dark, a little hazy still, but he could see the guilt swirling in them. "Castle," she started, but he cut her off, worked his tongue between her lips.

"I won't ever tell her," he promised against her mouth. "She will never know, Kate. Let us have this, let me give you this."

She shook her head at him, but her hands clenched in his shirt, her head bowing forward.

He brushed his lips over her skin, back to her ear. "You want to change things? Then change this."

She stared at him, so very tempted, he could tell; he could tell how much she wanted him just from the hesitant line of her eyebrows, the dilatation of her pupils, the hands that still lingered on his chest.

He dropped his fingers to her waist, slowly zipped her pants open, and pressed his knuckles to the thin fabric of her underwear, felt the still-pulsing heat underneath. Kate bit her lip hard, but couldn't help the moan that escaped, raw and wanting and beautiful.

Castle slid his hand out of her pants, under her thigh, wrapping her leg around his waist. She didn't fight him, didn't protest; he lifted her up easily, an arm at her back, and made the decision for her as he walked them both to his bedroom.

* * *

It was wrong.

It was wrong but _oh_, it was so_ good_-

And if she could have him now, then maybe that changed everything, maybe her past self would hate him and kick him out for good, and that - that was still better than him ending up dead on a warehouse floor.

She felt his hands slide in the nonexistent space between her jeans and her burning skin, slowly peeling the denim off her, taking his time and teasing the revealed expanse of her legs with his lips, his teeth, driving her wild.

So long, it felt like _so long_ since the last time he'd touched her like this, since-

He licked at the soft skin behind her knee and she arched, growled, so ready, all of her weeping for him, yearning for his touch.

She could hear him chuckling darkly, somewhere far away; but there was delight in the sound too, and breathlessness, and she was reminded again that this was their first time for him-

She closed her eyes, so tight, tried to work up the strength, the courage to push him away, tell him no,_ no, Castle,_ you have to wait for her; but even as the words trembled in her throat, even as she tried to figure out a way of pushing them past her lips, he was shucking her pants and her socks, getting rid of his own before he lowered himself to her again, hips meeting hips and chest meeting chest, and the burn of pleasure wiped her mind blank.

He kissed her slowly, thoroughly, running his tongue over the seam of her mouth before he pushed inside; and just that, the wet glide, the low, humming sound he made, that was enough to leave her keening, sobbing for more into his neck.

Her hands were curled at his waist, the smooth, firm skin, sliding up and down under the shirt he was somehow still wearing; Kate's fingers fisted on the fabric, wanting to yank it off him, but his arms were otherwise occupied, were in the way.

She moaned in frustration and tried to push him off her, but he was too solid, wasn't moving; his lips only curled into a smile at her collarbone, and his tongue licked a slow trail down to her breasts, hands brushing against her abdomen, making her gasp, making her forget.

When he reached the line of her underwear-

She felt his teeth against her skin and her hips bucked, irresistible, her whole body flaming up, the need so dark, so heavy in her veins. Castle-

He laughed and abandoned her, his mouth, his hands deserting her; her eyes flew open in incomprehension, something like fear tugging at her heart, but he was only pushing his open shirt off his shoulders, eyes burning into her as he did.

Only his boxers left now; Kate avidly drank in the sight of him, all young muscles and narrow waist, his eyes no longer blue, only the dark pull of desire in them. "You're beautiful," she said, couldn't help herself, and the expression on his face changed, softened by surprise, and then the burst of feeling in his gaze.

He dropped back onto her, the brutal encounter of skins making her shudder, and kissed her ear, her jaw, her neck. Her mouth. "Kate," he breathed, and shit, no, this was not the way, this was only going to make her cry-

She distracted him by hooking a leg around his thigh, pressing herself to his throbbing heat; he groaned and shifted, pushing down, and she had to close her eyes against it, so good, so good, too much.

Too much and she couldn't-

She felt him tugging off his boxers; her fingers traveled down, met the soft skin of him, making him growl against her neck. She stroked gently, turned her head to brush her lips over the curve of his cheek.

His fingers slipped through her heat, friction and tightening need, and then his head dropped, a trail of his mouth moving down. She gasped and arched, tried to cradle his head and pull him away, telling him in a desolate whisper, "Don't. Leave it."

His body shivered at that - her words or her voice, she wasn't sure - and he pushed himself up on his forearms, met her eyes. "What?"

"Don't-" oh god, he was making her _say_ these things, and it wasn't like she had ever had any issues with letting him know what she wanted, but now she felt a strange sense of self-consciousness as he stared at her, this younger Castle... "Keep it for _her_," she said finally, her heart breaking in her chest. "Not me, not now. Save it-"

He looked into her, eyes so dark, so serious, so intense, and he leaned in close, brushed his lips to her cheekbone. "You don't want my mouth on you, Kate?" he murmured, the words burning their way into her, her hips coming up without her say.

She pressed her lips together, held back a sob, held back her instinctive answer - yes, _yes_, your mouth, everything, _please_ - and shook her head instead. "No," she managed to spit out, wasn't sure how. "Not - no. Just. Use your fingers, use this-" Her hand closed around him.

He growled, the sound so threatening and delicious against her skin, and he kissed her roughly, more teeth than tongue, his body hard and heavy and everything she wanted.

"I'll use whatever I fucking want," he told her, and he rocked his pelvis against her, making her cry out, need breaking over her in waves, pushing her up into him.

And then his fingers were at her breasts, feather-soft, then harder as he pushed his thumbs against her nipples; his mouth was sucking intently on her pulse point, making her shudder in time with his exhales, her body coiled in one long thread of want, so sharp she didn't know how she was still breathing at all.

She didn't even feel him take off her underwear; she only knew when she felt his fingers pressing down into her wet heat, ragged sounds ripped from her throat, all of her at his mercy, desperate for release.

"Castle, Castle, please-"

He took his fingers back, gave her his mouth instead, making her moan, making her sob, making her writhe until she came, frenetic and breathless and adoring, breaking apart around his tongue, his touch.

When she could feel again, he was right there, so hard, pressing against her; she bit her lip, unable to look away, her eyes trapped in the intensity of his. "You didn't want my mouth on you, Kate?" he asked again, voice so dark, so rough she could have come just from listening to it. "You want this instead?"

He rolled his hips against her, slowly, the tip of him sliding over her wet, sensitized flesh; she clamped her teeth to keep the sounds inside, the pleading, begging gasps that hammered against her chest, demanding to be let out.

He was merciless. He kept going, unrelenting, kept teasing her, brushing the length of him between her legs until she couldn't take it anymore, until she was on fire, inside and out, all of her consuming for him, until nothing else mattered-

On his slide down, she pushed herself up, rolled her hips at just the right moment; he half sank into her, gasped in shock when she used her leg to squeeze around his waist, bringing him down so she could have more, all of him, _now_.

He pressed down, hard against her, swearing into the soft skin of her shoulder, his body completely still as he adjusted; but she was raw and so far gone, way past ready, and she wanted him _moving_.

Kate grounded her right arm into the mattress, used all her strength, all the points of contact between their bodies to roll them over; Castle yelped, his eyes shut tight, and she smirked in pleasure when she realized how close he was, how it wasn't just her, but him too, both of them, lost in this together.

And she was on top.

She sat up, legs on either side of him, moaning when the angle changed and she could feel the sharp, pulsing length of him inside her; Castle was panting her name and she lifted up, held his eyes as she slowly, slowly came down again, came down until he was completely buried inside her.

"Kate," he whispered brokenly, and she did it again, so good, so good, she wanted to kiss him-

As if he'd read her mind, Castle pushed himself up, an arm thrown behind him for balance, the other coming around her waist, bringing her to his chest as he crashed their lips together. She kissed him deeply, drowning in it, fingers tightly wound into his hair as her hips pushed in close, rolled away and then sunk in close, their bodies merged, her blood singing-

And then his hand shot down, found her, the press of his thumb and his teeth at her breast, and she was gone, mouth open at his neck as she keened desperately, everything out of her control, her hips jerking again and again and again, endless, his body tense and there and perfect, her mind crowded in dark, exquisite pleasure.

She crashed into him, boneless, the feeling of his hands over her vaguely registering at the edge of her consciousness as he cradled her to his chest, let them both fall back against the mattress; she curled into him, too exhausted to move, to do anything else but breathe against his skin.

"Kate," he murmured at her temple, and in the satiated blur of almost-sleep, she thought that maybe, maybe by giving him this, she had made sure he would stand with Beckett when Kate was gone.

That he would never give up, never relent in his pursuit of her.

She hoped, maybe, maybe something good would come out of the terrible, _beautiful_ thing she had done.

"Don't give up on me, Castle."


	2. Epilogue: M rated

Their second date was at Remy's, of all places.

It was the first downtime they'd gotten in a week or so, late after a solve; the cases had been intense, nerve-wracking, and Beckett had been dreaming of those strawberry shakes for way too long.

So when Castle offered his arm, so handsome despite the lines around his eyes, the tired curl of his mouth, she didn't hesitate.

The place was almost empty when they pushed the door open; there was only a trio of middle-aged men sitting in a corner, a bored-looking young woman behind the cash register. The woman perked up when she saw Castle and Beckett, though, came up to them with a wan, but genuine smile.

"You guys here for dinner?"

"Yeah," Castle answered with a smile of his own. "You're still serving, right?"

"Yup," the waitress confirmed with a little nod. "We're open until 2. Just - pick any table you like. You have a choice," she says with a little laugh, waving around.

"Thanks," Kate said, took Castle's hand to lead him towards a booth before anybody could hear the enthusiastic growl of her stomach.

Only him, and he laughed, of course, arched an eyebrow at her. "That hungry, huh?"

"Shut it," she shot back, but there was no smothering the wide smile that split her mouth open, spread warmth in her chest. He always did that, didn't he? Lightened her up with a handful of words. Strange how she just now seemed to notice.

She took the bench seat opposite from his, felt his feet brush against hers as she sat down. On purpose, no doubt.

And to think she'd been denying herself all of this - the spark in his eyes and the thrill of his touch, the pleasure of his words - that she'd deliberately kept herself blind to how wonderful they could be.

But it had been there, hadn't it? If she only let herself - like him.

Oh, and she did. She did like him. It had happened without her awareness, without her agreement, but it was here.

"You look pretty serious," he observed, that beautiful, rich, laughing quality to his voice. Kate shrugged and studied him, marveled at what she saw now, in the place of the smug asshole with the sunglasses, a father, a son, her friend.

The man who loved her.

"Do I have something in my teeth?" he joked, but there was a thread of nervousness laced in his words now; it made her smile, and she let her fingers tangle with his. He wasn't so confident as all that then. He was as nervous about this as she was.

"Not so fun being stared at, is it Castle?"

He huffed a breath, but she could see the unmitigated adoration in his eyes, could feel the readiness with which his hand answered her light pressure.

It made her breathless every time.

The waitress appeared at their table, a notepad in her hand, a cheerful smile on her face. "Are you guys ready to order?"

Kate looked back at Castle; he shrugged, leaving it up to her. "I think we are," she said.

She only wanted the milkshake, anyway.

And him.

Finally, she wanted him.

* * *

He walked her back to her apartment; the night was cold but dry, not uncomfortable, and they were both wearing their coats. Castle couldn't help the apprehensive twitch of his stomach as they came into view of her building, Kate's words - the Kate from 2014 - echoing in his mind.

_Before my apartment blew up._

But she had survived, right? Kate had survived her apartment being bombed once, and he had to trust that she would again, had to hang on to that thin thread of hope, because he couldn't spend his days worrying about hazy future events that he didn't even know the date of.

(If they even happened. New trajectory for this timeline, right? That what Kate's appearance here had been about.)

Beckett, _his_ Beckett, turned back to him when she reached the door, her straight, shoulder-length hair dancing around her face, her eyes soft. He could still tell the difference - he could see that she was still maintaining a façade, protecting herself - but she was slowly letting him in, growing a little less guarded every day, and that was...

More than he'd expected, to be honest.

He felt so damn grateful. To Kate. To Beckett. To_ her_, no matter what time.

"Aren't you going to kiss me goodnight?" she prompted, lips curled into a smirk, a spark in her eyes that he was starting to become familiar with.

She liked to play with him.

A rush of pure want swirled in his guts, and he leaned in and took her mouth, confident and unapologetic, stroking his tongue past her lips as she gave in, opened to his touch, fingers threading through his hair and arms hooking around his neck, body melting into his.

_Kate-_

He wasn't sure how, but he suddenly found himself pressing her into the door, his leg firmly planted between hers, her thighs parted to accommodate his. Her mouth was a live, slow-burning fire that worked at him, devoured every ounce of resistance in his body until-

He jerked away before he couldn't, reminding himself.

She deserved more. He had promised himself; he wouldn't screw them up. He would wait for her.

Kate stared at him, her eyes darker than the night sky, her jagged, panting breaths visible in the cool winter air.

"Goodnight, Kate," he said, proud that his voice sounded so steady.

And he walked away.

* * *

The strident beep of her oven was driving her crazy. Beckett swore under her breath, gave up on zipping up her dress - stupid thing - and headed for the kitchen, her steps a little too quick.

She wasn't nervous. She wasn't.

The chicken smelled lovely; a relieved sigh left her lungs before she could help herself. It was her mother's recipe, but she hadn't cooked anything in so long - she ate mostly takeaway now, couldn't bring herself to prepare herself an elaborate meal when it was just herself.

There was nothing sadder than home-made food eaten in the silence of an empty kitchen.

Tonight, however, she wouldn't be alone.

Tonight-

_Oh, stop being ridiculous_, she berated herself as she grabbed the oven mitt, slowly slid the dish out of her oven. It looked perfect, not burnt, not underdone - jeez, she was going to a hell of a lot of trouble over this.

A quick glance at the clock sent her heart into a chaotic beat; she pressed her lips together and firmly pushed down her fluttering nerves. Butterflies in your stomach, Kate? Really?

It was just Castle.

She covered the chicken so it would keep warm, forced herself to walk leisurely back to her bedroom. A sharp jerk of her wrist finally triumphed over the resistant zipper, and she turned, inspected the result of her efforts in her floor-length mirror.

The dress looked good. It was black, simple (she didn't mean to make a big deal of tonight); the neckline, she thought, was its best feature, a low but tasteful cut that ended into a V between her breasts.

She couldn't do much with her hair, but she'd gathered part of it up, only leaving a few strands to fall along the line of her neck. A subtle hint, she hoped; a somewhat deliberate nudge.

_This is where I want your tongue._

Kate Beckett didn't usually cook for the men in her life; she certainly did not invite them to her place for dinner, not so early in their relationship, anyway. But a desperate situation called for desperate measures.

Castle was holding back. For the last three weeks, he'd been restraining himself. Oh, he would kiss her, yes, and touch her until her body thrummed, oh yes, but then he'd walk away, refuse to do anything about the need coiled tight inside her.

She didn't understand. He'd slept with her future self without much protest, it seemed; why couldn't he do her the same courtesy?

Beckett bit on her lip, tried to quell the surge of strange jealousy that rose inside her at the thought. Not at Kate, her future self, not entirely, but at - at Castle. Jealous that he was so certain and was holding himself in such disciplined reserve while Beckett was finding herself unable to have a coherent thought around him.

It was so frustrating. It was her skin his hands had roamed, her back he'd lowered to the bed, her cries he had swallowed with his kisses - or so she pictured, when she lay in bed at night, unable to fall asleep - and yet she hadn't gotten to feel _any_ of it. It had all been reserved for that future version of her.

And now that Beckett wanted it, _him_, had finally admitted so to herself - now that her body yearned for him - he refused himself to her?

So not fair, Castle.

But he was coming over tonight.

He was coming over tonight, and there was no way she would let him walk out her door again before she'd gotten what she wanted.

* * *

Castle didn't know what to think. He'd never even been inside Beckett's apartment before; he had spent many (too many, probably) hours wondering what her place looked like, picturing her space, her kitchen, her bathroom. Her bed, of course.

But while part of him was thrilled at being admitted into her private world, he couldn't help but feel like this invitation wasn't exactly...her style.

Which in turn made him feel like an idiot, because he was looking a gift horse in the mouth, and honestly, couldn't he just show up at Beckett's and be happy that she'd asked him at all?

Well. Obviously not.

He sighed and got out of the town car, looked up at her building. Oh, he knew where she lived - he'd made sure a while ago that he knew everything that could legally be found out about Kate Beckett, and then some. Her address had incidentally proved very useful when he'd had that dress delivered to her.

Mm, what a dress, too. What a body. The bare skin of her back under the lace, which only made him think about the arch of her back in his bed - Kate and not Beckett but Beckett as well-

Sidetracked. He was getting sidetracked.

Shaking his head at himself, at the whole time-bending situation, he pushed the door open, walked into the lobby. A middle-aged woman was coming down the stairs, and the flowers he was clutching in his left hand made him feel self-conscious under her gaze.

The woman gave him a knowing smile that he did his best to return. His face felt strained, though, and he was afraid it came out as more of a grimace. His smoothness always deserted him in times of need. Or pretty much anything that had to do with Beckett.

He spared a glance at the apartment listing - Beckett's was 3B and as he'd guessed, that meant third floor. He took the stairs; they at least would provide some sort of outlet for the nervous energy that crackled through his body.

When he reached her door, he looked down at the flowers, felt the anxiety tighten into a knot in his throat. It was ridiculous; it wasn't even their first date, and he knew her, really knew her. She wasn't one of the models or bachelorettes that Paula usually tried to set him up with.

She was real. Maybe that was the problem.

_Get your act together, Castle._

He knocked, a good decisive knock; the door opened in a matter of seconds, as if she'd waiting for him. Kate Beckett, waiting for him at the door? Quit dreaming, Rick.

"Hey," she said, and he thought she sounded a little breathless, looked a little nervous, but it was hard to know if he wasn't just imagining those things because he wanted company in his anxiety.

"Hey," he said, holding the flowers out like some kind of peace offering, thrust at her as if he were a five year old handing wildflowers over to his teacher. Stupid, Castle, stupid-

"Thanks," she said, and she smiled, tremulous and beautiful, looked at him from under her lashes. She seemed surprised, and pleased, and he felt himself relax.

She took the flowers and invited him inside; he couldn't tear his eyes from her long enough to look at her apartment. The black dress she wore was a perfect fit, a vibrant homage to the curve of her hips, her impeccable figure. It stopped above the knee and Castle found himself entranced by the smooth expanse of her legs, the beautiful line of her calves.

And astonished, strangely enough, by how little she'd changed in five years. Or would have changed.

Thankfully she was arranging the bouquet into a vase, not watching him fumble over the mesmerizing silhouette of her body, and by the time she turned back to him, he had somehow managed to collect himself.

"You can take off your coat, you know. Stay a while," she told him, that laughing edge to her voice; all his illusions about her not noticing his confusion went up in smoke.

"You look beautiful," he retaliated, feeling all the more righteous because it was so true.

She didn't blush, but it came close.

Kate parted her lips but said nothing, only regarded him for a moment; he got the strange feeling that she was wondering what the hell he was doing here, why she'd even let him in.

"Nice place," he said quickly, because even though he had been wondering the same thing in the car, he never wanted Kate Beckett to doubt that he belonged with her.

She smiled, the uncertainty in her eyes fading, and glanced around. "Yeah. I like it." There was almost a question at the end of her sentence, as if she wanted to know where he was going with this.

He gave small talk another try. "And great books," he smirked, noticing a few of his resting on a shelf across the room.

Beckett rolled her eyes, but stayed silent, as if she wouldn't begrudge him his moment of triumph. It thrilled him more than he could say, that she was comfortable enough to admit in front of him that she liked his books, and that she didn't look afraid that he would smugly ruin everything.

He wouldn't; the thought of her reading his novels was enough to make his heart squeeze, his words vanish.

"So. Dinner is ready, if you're hungry," she announced, and it was impossible for him to miss the flicker of hesitation (apprehension?) in her voice, subtle as it might have been. She was standing behind the kitchen island, the greenhouse windows behind her, the stainless steel gleaming even as she traced a fingernail around and around a smooth place in the counter.

She was no more comfortable with this than he was.

"Kate," he said without thinking, loving the way her first name rolled off his tongue. "Why am I here?"

He got a startled flash of her eyes, maybe some defensiveness, too. It was hard to tell.

"What do you mean - _Why_? Dinner, Castle. I made us dinner."

She had. And somehow, everything about that sentence felt wrong.

"But this isn't - it's not exactly the kind of thing you do, is it?" Shit, he had to shut up, shut the hell up before he ruined what could still be a lovely evening.

Her eyes narrowed and she crossed her arms over her chest. "Because you know the kind of things I do better than me, obviously."

_Let it go, let it go_. If he answered, she would turn this into some sort of fight, and he didn't want to be fighting. He just wanted to understand-

"No," he said, trying for soothing. "You can make dinner; I bet it's wonderful. But Kate. Honestly? I just want you to tell me that there isn't some sort of agenda behind this. Just - say it's only a dinner date, and I'll believe you."

She curled her lower lip between her teeth, a furious glint in her eyes, said nothing.

Yeah. That's what he'd thought. She was probably planning on giving him the third degree about what he'd done with Kate, her future self. She'd been curiously quiet about it, but he knew that couldn't last.

"So." he said softly. "Why am I here?"

She raised her chin defiantly, dropped the words with a studied detachment. "What do you think? For sex, Castle."

He would have laughed, but he could tell it wasn't a joke. God, it even - it even made him aroused, but it held an undercurrent of sorrow that wouldn't let him enjoy this moment. It would have been a lie to say that those words, coming from her hot mouth, didn't elicit an immediate response from his body, but the sadness outweighed it completely.

His heart dropped in his chest.

He'd never have thought he could feel sad that Kate Beckett wanted to use him for sex.

But this wasn't what he wanted from her. This wasn't what he thought he'd been building with her when they started this. It wasn't what Kate had given him that night when she'd made love with him.

His silence was heavy in the kitchen.

Beckett was averting her eyes, turning away, and he could tell from the deliberate set of her shoulders that she was hurt. Damn it. "But obviously you're not interested," she muttered, taking a few steps towards the kitchen.

"Beckett," he called, feeling like a jerk.

"Back to Beckett, are we," she observed with that clear, unaffected voice that he hated.

And then she was rounding on him, and even the fierceness on her face couldn't completely conceal the wounded look in her eyes. "You know what I don't get? You've had sex with lots of women. You had sex with me, her-me, not me-me, but _still me_, and you didn't seem too guilt-ridden about it. But now that I'm in front of you, _wanting_ you, you're playing hard to get?"

He felt insulted, and horrified, but mostly he just wanted to wrap her up in his arms and tell her-

"Drop the act, Castle. Doesn't suit you," she finished bitterly. And it stung.

He sucked in a long breath, tried to figure out a way to fix the mess he'd inadvertently made. But she wasn't done.

"What are you doing here?" Beckett said after a moment, softer, her beautiful eyes wide with a blank wall that nevertheless shimmered with confusion. "Because - I'm sorry, but it feels like you're being faithful. To her."

Oh god. Oh Kate.

"And, I'm not - this is a new thing for me," she added slowly, giving a shake of her head. "I don't want to be jealous of my own damn self. Do you have any idea how odd, and - and wrong that is?"

"So I should sleep with you so you don't feel jealous," he observed, hoping she'd hear by herself that it sounded just as wrong. Still, his heart was pounding and his mouth was thick. This could be it - this could be the thing that ruined them.

If she kicked him out of the precinct now-

Well, fuck. Then working her mother's case wouldn't end his life, would it? Had Kate _done this on purpose?_

Beckett gritted her teeth, back to aggressive again. "Maybe you should. Just get the sex out of the way."

He shook his head, powerless, so tired all of a sudden. "Not how I hoped it would happen, Kate." His chest was tight with it, the way she'd ruined things, now and then. The way he'd been a willing accomplice in their demise. "That's not what I'm looking for. So, I should probably go."

Some part of him mourned the quiet night he'd imagined, hadn't been able to keep himself from picturing, the two of them laughing over dinner, leaning in close, the taste of wine on her tongue as he kissed her - but that had never been what was going to happen.

He had to go, before he made things worse. Before she actually did kick him out of her professional life as well.

He turned, had to force himself away, bending a little to grab his coat from the couch. And now he was noticing, really noticing her living-room, the art books, the strangely harmonious blend of various styles, the almost bohemian feel of it all.

She had so many facets to her. He could see Kate here, Kate and Beckett both, and suddenly they were the same person, the same, and all of it was slipping out of his hands faster than he could hang on to it.

He was just reaching for the door, hesitating with his hand out, when he felt himself pulled back, violently spun around, his spine slamming against the wood with a painful jolt.

"Don't you dare," Kate hissed, and her eyes were bright -_ shit was she crying?_ - and then _oh so good_ her body was stretched against him, pressed so tight he couldn't keep his hips from bucking up in response, because he did want her, he _did_-

"Don't you dare walk out on me," she murmured threateningly, before she attacked his mouth with her teeth, her tongue, fierce and hot as she slid a hand under his shirt, into his pants.

It was wrong, _wrong wrong wrong_, but oh, how he wanted her. He couldn't lose her, even if all she wanted was sex. He could change her mind, right? He could make her fall in love with him.

"Kate," he pleaded into her lips, but it came out as a moan, a gritted-teeth moan because he was so fucking weak. _When it comes to her._

Her fingers wriggled into his pants, made him jerk, a welcome flash of awareness that had him reaching for her wrist, staying her. "No," he panted, desperate. "Not - no, Kate."

She growled into his mouth. "_Why not_," she rasped, and it sounded so furious and so heartbroken at the same time. "Why not, Castle, why not-"

"Because I want you to want it," he finally let out on a breath, surrendering. "I want you to _want me_, not just - feel like you have some kind of score to settle with yourself-"

She gasped and stepped back, regarding him disbelievingly. His fingers were still around her wrist, the steady pound of blood so arousing that he couldn't bring himself to let go.

"Is that what you think this is?" she whispered. "Is that what you think this has been about?"

Yes, he wanted to say, you said it yourself, _jealousy_ - but then the look on her face, startled and tender and hurt but almost laughing, like there was some cosmic mix-up, and it would be funny a few years from now (five?).

"Oh, Castle," she sighed, stepping into him again.

He wished she wouldn't do that; he couldn't think straight with the angles and planes of her body pressed into his. Still, his arm found its way around her waist, curved there against his better judgment. He sighed into her ear, wishing he could make this last. Just her touch. Just the touch of her against him.

How he needed it.

She was nuzzling her mouth at his cheek. "Listen to me. It's not about settling a score. Thinking of you with her - it made me jealous, yeah, but mostly it made me realize how much..." Her voice trailed off, and he wondered if she was gathering her courage. "How much I wanted it for myself," she finished quietly. "You. How much I want you."

He was holding his breath; he could hardly dare to believe her.

She kissed him again, but this time it was soft, so gentle; it was her lips, her tongue adoring his mouth, stroking it so slowly he thought he might combust. He parted his lips, letting her in, relishing every second of it, her faint exhales, the low humming that he thought he could hear thrum at the back of her throat; she was just so - _divine_.

Kate Beckett.

She paused, their noses brushing together, her forehead against his; he could feel her smile.

"Castle," she said, her voice so rich, filled to the brim, gorgeous. "How about you make love to me, here and now, in this time?"

Yes, yes, he wanted to say, wanted it so badly, but the words tangled in his throat.

So he let his fingers on the zipper of her dress be his answer.

* * *

"Oh god," she panted, had to grip the doorframe to keep herself from collapsing. Castle's hands were under her dress, far too clever and hot for their own good, and she'd just - _oh_ - she'd just managed to bring them to the threshold of her bedroom, and if he would just-

He licked the side of her neck and she shuddered, moaned against his shoulder as her fingers curled into his abdomen. His shirt was still mostly buttoned, but she had tugged it out of his pants, given herself access to that soft, warm, supple skin; it rippled with her touch.

"Castle," she breathed, and his fingers moved against her, so close, _so close_ to where she wanted them-

"That is my name," he grinned, his smile wide and pleased against her lips, and she would have done something to deflate that ego of his if his hand hadn't chosen that exact moment to slide into her underwear.

Kate arched and couldn't stop the needy sound that fell from her lips, her body canting into his for more. She had her back pressed to the doorframe still, Castle's delicious weight pinning her there, and thoughts about reaching her bed vanished altogether.

"I want this dress off," he murmured against her ear, and shit, the warm exhale that fanned her skin, his low, aroused voice - it so _completely_ did it for her.

"Take it off," she moaned back, couldn't seem to control the sounds that left her mouth. "Take it off, Castle,_ off_-"

With a growl he spun her around, her hands, her forehead meeting the wall with a soft thump; she barely had time to miss his heat between her legs that it was already there, pressing at her back, encircling her as the zipper went down.

The dress slid off her, pooling at her feet with a rustle that Beckett barely heard. Castle's mouth was at her spine, hot and dangerous, the burn of his fingers flickering over her skin; she moaned and felt her knees give, had to prop her arms up against the wall.

"Castle," she pleaded, breathless. The pad of his thumb brushed her hip, the line of her underwear, over and over, too soft, until his hand finally slid under the thin fabric, followed the edge of her hipbone, dipped lower.

She clenched her teeth against the needy sounds that gathered in her throat, but there was no holding back the spontaneous reaction of her body, the way her pelvis rocked into his hand, yearning for more.

He slid a leg between hers, a strong, uncompromising leg, and she sighed in pleasure, let herself grind down against him, her forehead falling to the wall. She felt him press to her back, warm and heavy, his mouth at his shoulder, his left arm firmly bent at her waist even as his right hand moved-

She hissed and arched, felt herself tighten, the fire burning bright, his fingers so hot against her, moving too slowly even though she begged, panting, _Oh fuck Castle oh god please-_

He growled something back that she didn't get, couldn't get, not when her whole body was pulsing at his fingertips, coiled so tight that nothing else mattered, only the scrape of his thumb over her clit, only-

His fingers slid inside her and she moaned again, loud, her eyes slamming shut as her body grabbed him, squeezed desperately, anything he gave, anything he gave her _she would take_, oh god, yes, Castle.

He held her close as she came, trembled against him, feeling his presence more than his touch, the glow of his satisfaction, the edge of his arousal crowding at her neck. So good.

He felt so good.

She would never let him go.

"Kate," he murmured at her nape, his lips hot and still, unmoving.

He thought he could feel her body stir, rousing again at the sound of his voice, and he couldn't keep his lips from curling into a smile. How responsive she was, how soft, liquid in his arms.

And he did that to her, didn't he?

It was him.

All him.

He heard the long breath that she drew in, felt her shift in his arms; when her face finally turned to him, the semi-darkness couldn't conceal her flushed cheeks, the blood still pulsing along the white column of her neck.

And she was still wearing the heels, too, so tall and sexy against him; she only had to lean in to fuse their mouths together. Her tongue darted out to tease and he groaned, kissed her back, long and deep, losing himself in it.

Oh, she was so hot, beautiful and smart and snarky, his Beckett; he could not believe that she wanted him - here and now.

"Lose the shirt, Castle," she said against his lips, and he grinned, absolutely delighted to hear those words fall from her mouth, vaguely tempted to ask why she wouldn't deal with the buttons herself.

But there was no resisting the dark command in her eyes, and he quickly worked his shirt open; her hands stayed his before he could do more. His breath caught in his throat when she bend forward, her fingers slowly pushing the fabric off her shoulders, her hot mouth skimming his chest as she uncovered it.

He whimpered, vaguely ashamed of himself; his hands found her sides again, dug into her skin. But he was forced to let go as she went down, caressed his abdomen with her tongue, her touch a burning torture.

He had to close his eyes, the pleasure coiled so tight it was almost painful. For a second, she paused, allowed him a breath of relief tinged with disappointment, but the moment he started to relax there was a sharp tug at his pants. He gasped at the lovely sensation, freedom, his eyes flying open to find her pushing his jeans down his legs.

On her knees.

"Kate," he said, his voice strangled and weak, shock and arousal stealing his breath.

Oh god, oh god-

She took her time, skimmed the sensitive skin at the back of his thighs, making him shiver, swear in a low voice; she lifted dancing, playful eyes to him. "It's almost like you've never done this before, Castle."

Jeez, Kate.

That was not okay; she couldn't - he couldn't-

He wouldn't let her make light of it.

He stepped out of his pants when she nudged him, but caught her wrist then, drawing her all the way back to him, the slim lines of her cradled into his larger body as he found her mouth.

"I've never done this before, Kate," he promised at the seam of her lips, and it was true, at least in part - he'd never done it with her, the present Beckett, the woman who was not engaged to him yet. She moaned in response, opened up for him; her teeth nipped at his bottom lip, tongue pushing past, and the warmth of her swept over him like a wave, drowning him in lust and love.

God, he hoped she was doing this for the right reasons.

Because he couldn't do anything but answer her kiss, and guide them slowly towards her bedroom.

If she'd had any lingering doubts about Castle's adoration for her, any misgivings about his devotion, his_ love_, by the time Beckett lay naked on her bed, they had been dissolved.

She moaned and arched against him when his hand skimmed his thigh, her hips coming up without her say, her whole body raw and aching, turned inside out by his touch. "Kate," he murmured, lips ghosting her flesh, making her shiver again.

It was - he just-

He made it all about her.

She'd tried turning the tables on him, done some teasing of her own, but he seemed, if not impervious, at least determined not to give in to her, and she'd never known - she never would have guessed - that Castle had such self-control.

Some tiny, flickering part of her wondered if that was because he'd had her before, because he knew how it was, but she steadily refused to listen. She wanted to be here and now, at the tip of his fingers, each caress rippling through her and spreading fire; she didn't want to question him, them, any of it.

She'd worked hard enough to get him here; she had every intention of enjoying this.

He leaned on his forearms to kiss her mouth, so tortuously slow; her lips were parted already, waiting for him, and yet he wouldn't give her what she yearned for. He kept it light, held himself away, his body arched over hers, their stomachs barely touching - and every time their skins kissed, she wanted to cry out in pleasure, desperate as she was for more.

Fine. He wanted to keep space between them? She could use that. She splayed a palm over his chest, let her fingers encage his heart before she trailed down, inch by inch, scraping her fingernails against the heat of him.

Castle shuddered and cursed, wavering; for a moment she held her breath, waited to see if he would surrender, give her the length of his body flush with hers. He took too long to yield, however, and she pushed her fingers farther, finding him, so hard against the softness of her palm.

"Oh," he breathed, eyes closed, shock and awe in the tormented lines of his face; Kate felt a surge of triumph, a rush of pure bliss because_ this was new for him._ She could feel it down to her guts, the bright certainty that whatever the other Kate had done - this wasn't a part of it.

There were still things that would be new; there would always be things they could uncover for each other.

The relief of that realization pushed her forward, up on her elbows, and finally Castle's resistance crumbled; he fell over her just as she was trying to shift them, and the brutal heat of the contact made them both gasp, Beckett's hands starting to his waist, clutching at the tender skin.

"Oh, yes," she murmured, startled, amazed, wanting nothing else but this, forever; his body over hers, the pulse, the burn of it, the scattered breath at her neck.

"Kate, Kate," he chanted into her shoulder, and she could feel him trying to gather himself, could feel his arms trying to find purchase on her sheets.

She hooked a firm leg around his thigh, trapping him there, cradled into her body, where he belonged. "Don't even think about it," she threatened in a breath. "Enough foreplay, Castle."

"Never enough," he disagreed, but she was unrelenting and when he tried to move, she was holding on, a tight grip on him. The shift only served to increase their desperation, both of them so close now, and she had to grind her teeth together and hiss an exasperated, "Come _on_, Castle-"

He looked into her eyes at that, a hint of his usual playfulness dancing in his eyes, an echo of smug pleasure, and she knew he was hers, her shadow, her partner, _hers_. Always.

And he slid into her at last.

* * *

It was different and it was the same; it was beautiful yet it made him hurt.

Beckett made a strangled sound at the back of her throat, so mesmerizing, gorgeous, the want, the uncontrolled rawness in it. He had to open his eyes again, prop himself on his elbow so he could watch her, fill his eyes with her.

The dark hair spilling over the pillow, shorter than in his memories, but long enough that it stuck to the glistening expanse of her neck, caught the faint light that shone from the living-room. Her parted mouth that trembled with every breath, every gasp, so moist and inviting; and those eyes, so rich and deep, that he got glimpses of as her eyelids fluttered, open and shut, open and shut, a bewitching dance.

He bent over her to get at her lips, his hips rocking forward instinctively. Kate hissed and arched under him; he closed his eyes as their mouths collided, as he felt himself sink deeper into her.

"Oh god, Kate," he breathed into her lips, stunned, his throat choked with the beauty of it, her. "Oh - oh god, you - _you_-"

"Shut up," she moaned, her voice so rough, sharp edges to it. She arched and wrapped her other leg around his waist, did a wicked little twist with her hips, making him hiss. "Just - stop talking," she panted, her head thrown back. "Stop talking and _move_, Castle, move move move-"

So sexy, the way she commanded, ordered, even when she was strung out and so tight under him, entirely at his mercy.

He gave in, gave her what she wanted - but on his own terms. He drew it out, and out, as much as he could, the long slide out, the dive back in. God, she was so hot, pulsing around him; Kate made an inarticulate noise, almost a sob, and he drank it from her mouth, stole her breath, gave her his tongue in exchange.

He felt her fingers at his side, the sharp dig of her nails; it made him growl into her lips.

He punished her with another thrust, harder this time, thought it could feel the tension coiling in her body, thrumming at the surface - right under her skin.

She was breathless, whispering words that he could not make out, not understand, an endless string of-

Oh.

It was his name.

His name on her lips, over and over and over; he closed his eyes in awe, couldn't even speak. But he _could_ roll his hips in time with her incantation, giving a little twist, a deeper thrust every time her voice rose to a pitch; his whole world narrowed down to her, the feel of her skin, the sound of her moans, the tight grip she had on him.

And she was close, so close-

On his slide out he held back, the air caught in his chest, clinging to his willpower because his body wanted her, _ached_ for her, for the release that was just within reach, hidden into the moist, dark depths of her.

He waited until she opened her eyes, imperious and wanting, fingers clawing at his biceps, and then he plunged back all the way. Her eyes slammed shut, but her mouth fell open on a soundless cry as she tightened around him, a fist squeezing, the length of her barely shivering even as her inside muscles clenched and clenched, took him spiraling down with her.

* * *

"Stay," he murmured and she paused at the sound of his voice, surprised he was awake.

"I'll be right back," she said in response, brushing her thumb over the still-closed lid of his eye. She felt his lashes flutter in response and she grinned, leaning over to kiss his cheek.

Beckett slid from her bed and shivered, searched for something to wear. She ignored his dress shirt slung over the chair beside her bed and went for her closet. She found an NYPD shirt on the floor, then pulled on some sweats as well.

When she got to the kitchen, she could already smell it.

Their dinner. Uneaten dinner. A little crispy from warming in the oven.

She grabbed potholders and opened the oven door, then slid the casserole dish out, turned off the warmer. She waved an oven mitt over the casserole, as if she could cool it off, but she realized it was her own face that was flushed, her body still hot.

Forget dinner. It wasn't ruined, but Castle had been right. This wasn't her.

Beckett shoved it into the sink to deal with later, stalked to her fridge to see what she could grab for them. She bent over to get at a bag of carrots, gasped when she felt the heated, solid presence at her back.

His arm went around her waist, his hand curling at her hip, pressing her back into him. "Midnight snack?"

"It's only nine," she murmured, standing up again but not moving out of his arms. She let the cool air of the refrigerator wash over her flaming cheeks. She wasn't embarrassed; she was aroused. She could do this. . .all night.

His mouth nibbled at her neck. "We skipped dinner."

She grinned slowly, humming into the devouring touch of his mouth, and then turned in his arms, the fridge door slamming shut as she pushed herself up on her toes against his body.

"I had my meal," she said, lifting her eyes to him, smiling slowly.

"That's hot," he panted, crashing into her mouth with a graceless kiss that was more heat and need than anything else.

And she liked it. She loved it.

* * *

Castle ate crackers in her bed, let her shove a thin slice of cheese into his mouth with a roll of her eyes. She had a wicked looking knife that she used to carve the block of Colby, and she kept grinning at him as he brushed crumbs out of her sheets.

"Don't worry about it, Castle," she murmured, closing her fingers around his wrist mid-swipe. "Sheets will have to be washed in the morning anyway."

Damn, she was hot. Did he say she was hot? She was amazingly, eye-openingly, agonizingly hot.

He took the slice of cheese she held out to him, topped it on a cracker, pushed it into his mouth. He was starving and she had her side pressed into him as they sat up against her headboard. Every movement of her body made him twitch, like he was sixteen and wondering how far he could go with his date - and just the wondering alone was doing it for him.

She turned her head and eyed him, as if she knew he was trying to figure out how to cop a feel while she fed him cheese and crackers.

But then her face turned serious and her fingers stilled over the block of cheese. She wrapped it back in its plastic sleeve, turned and placed it on her bedside table, knife clattering down as well. He followed her lead, pushed the box of saltines onto the floor, came back to deal with whatever it was he saw in her gaze.

"What comes after this?" she said, chewing on her lower lip.

I marry you.

But he didn't say it.

Even though he knew she was thinking it too. And maybe that was the problem.

"Take it as it comes," he said, lifting his hand to brush her hair back from her face. It stuck to her neck, sweaty, and he leaned down to lick the salt at her skin, felt her suck in a gasp, her hand curled at his ear.

"Think - think we're doing a pretty good job with coming," she huffed against the top of his head. Castle paused, his lips at her neck, a hand sliding up and down her ribs.

He laughed and pulled back to look at her. "Who suspected? Detective Beckett talks dirty," he grinned, but that was seriously hot as well. Had he said, yet, how very hot she was?

"You like it," she stated, and her mouth sought his, her tongue skirting his lips.

Before he could push her back down to her bed, she was breaking away, her hand firm against his jaw even as her fingers stroked his skin.

"Still. What do we do now, Castle?"

He blinked as he stared at her, his mind filled with visions from his overactive imagination, all the things he not only wanted to do to her, but all the things he wanted to have with her as well.

A life.

And then he knew what to say; he knew what came next.

"Come with me to the Hamptons for Memorial Day."

She blinked, obviously not what she was expecting. But maybe exactly what she could handle.

"For the weekend?"

He nodded. "It's a few weeks off, I know. But we go every year, beginning of summer thing. I want you there with me this year."

She was still staring at him, and her lower lip was getting masticated by her teeth, but he waited for her to figure it out. Whatever she wanted to do. Still, he decided to nudge.

"It'll be fun. Relaxing. You deserve a break, Kate, so come with me. It can be whatever you want it to be."

When he said her name, her face cleared and he felt the twitch of her hand against his thigh.

"Okay," she murmured, and then her voice strengthened. "Yes. I'll come with you to the Hamptons."


End file.
